Apparently the black community at large frowns on this grown woman’s decision to ask her man to be her husband and I am so confused. These are the same people asking about the “state of black marriage/relationships” and…
No fucking ma’am.
This is STILL patriarchy.
But hey, lemme know if you’re fulfilled and still together in 10 years.
Why wouldn’t they be fulfilled and happy 10 years down the line? Because she asked him and not vice versa?
Look, this don’t affect me at all, so ultimately, I don’t give a damn what two grown people in a relationship decide to do, and for the record, I DO wish these kids well, but since you asked, I’ma tell you what I think.
Y’all can be new jack and progressive and whatever the fuck you wanna call it,
But this is STILL patriarchy.
A MAN chooses a wife, not the other way around.
EVERY successful relationship I know of, the MAN asked the woman to be his wife, meaning HE said in so many words or less, “I want my time, love, affection, and resources to go to you and only you.”
Think of the finest woman you know outside yourself.
Even SHE can’t go up to the man of her choosing and say “Be My Man.”
IT DON’T WORK LIKE THAT, Boo.
In patriarchy, all women are really doing is responding to men!
The onus for the initiation AND escalation-to-commitment (all levels of commitment, from the initial exclusivity to marriage) of heterosexual romantic pairings falls on THE MAN.
If HE wanted to get married to HER, HE would have asked HER,
Because marriage and commitment happens when the MAN is ready and not a damn minute before, and no amount of public asking is gon make him GET ready if he NOT ready.
Now, he’ll help her save face in front of all these people and say yeah, and they’ll plan a li’l something and maybe even go through with it,
But holla at me in 10 years and tell me if they still together,
If they have more than one kid (if a man don’t really wanna be there, he’ll watch where he skeet),
If he’s pulling his emotional weight and being faithful and not approaching the marriage half heartedly, cause hey, SHE asked ME.
Again, y’all do what you want, and you call it what you want,
And you don’t have nothing to prove to me cause again, I DON’T CARE,
But I’ve been watching relationships for a LONG ass time, and this almost NEVER ends well, and in fact, USUALLY ends with the proposing woman feeling like she did ALL the work, insecure as fuck the whole relationship, wondering if he REALLY wanna be there.
But y’all go head.